No Strings Attached?

A lot of you probably read the title and are thinking, "friend with benefits?" So I am sorry to disappoint you if that's what you were expecting because that is certainly not what I will be discussing here. In fact its almost the opposite.

The word Love.

It is a word that is slightly more than overused in today's society.  But what has really been bothering me lately, is trying to define what Love really is.  Why does it exist? How have we let the perception of romance and love become so skewed in modern day society?  I was talking with a friend of mine and she brought up how, particularly with college girls, the idea of romance is incredibly perverted. We have this idea that love comes with strings attached.  That in order for someone to love us, we must do something for them, that we somehow owe them something.  In all honesty, it's probably why the idea of "no strings attached" came to be.  People wanted the physical gratification without the emotional hangups, or the feelings that they somehow were indebted to the other person if he/she loved him/her.  Even more than that, this idea of love coming with "strings attached" pervades all types of relationships.  Now I know this isn't true, but for awhile in high school I thought my parents love was dependent upon how well I performed in school.  And this is entirely absurd. I have been blessed to be raised in a family that truly does unconditionally love me, even when I'm in a mood or being nasty.  Yet this thought was like a parasite in my head, that "the string" attaching me to my parents love, would be severed if I got a C.  I was so worked up about this one day, when I got a C+ in chemistry that I actually started crying.  I was afraid they wouldn't love me due to my lacking performance, as opposed to loving me for just being their daughter.

These strings attached often times come with friendships, too. I don't mean the friendships where you have been inseparable, or have relentlessly loved one another despite your hard-core screw-ups. I mean the friendships that are just beginning to "bloom," for lack of a better term.  In these types of friendships, they feel so fragile to us, that almost by default we attach strings to the love we put upon them.  If they don't make enough time with us, our love in that friendship is terminated as a result of hurt.  We don't give thought to why they may not have had time, or what circumstances that outcome was contingent upon, we just remove ourselves. We put up walls, for we don't want to be hurt. We don't want to be vulnerable.

The last and probably the most important relationship where these types of chords are far too often attached and stuck with super glue, is the boyfriend/girlfriend one. This one is also the most difficult. We have this balance between wanting to be hopelessly in love with our significant other but not wanting to be overbearing with the love we have. This puts girls in particular, in a really sticky situation.  Because we want to keep this balance we are more inclined to comply with wishes we would otherwise say "heck no" to.  In a previous relationship this developed into me always agreeing it was my fault, that we were fighting because I had done something wrong. The idea running through my head was that if I was completely complaisant, there would be no way he could stop loving me. I continued to admit that it was my fault though because I was so fearful of losing the only one who I thought could ever love me. There were even more strings attached in that relationship. Thoughts constantly ran through my head of "if I do this, will he still love me?"  Will he still think I look pretty?  The even worse thoughts were "if I don't do this for him, will he still love me?" By the end, when we did break up, I had absolutely no self-esteem.  The strings that we had created became not only lifelines for our love, but also what I thought about myself.

With all this being said, I don't believe in strings being attached in relationships.  At all. I believe this is the skewed image that is associated with love today.

Instead I believe Love should be a completely selfless gesture.  I want the people I love to see, that it doesn't require any effort on their part for me to love them. They don't have to do anything to earn my love, it simply is.  It is their love to accept through the good, bad, and ugly. It doesn't have conditions. It doesn't have strings. To give an example of the best illustration of love I have in words, actually comes from the Bible.  In 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 it writes "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps not records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."  Now I do not mean to pull a Bible verse on you to shove religion down your throat.  The only reason I picked a Bible verse is because to me, it is truly one of the most accurate representation of what love should be.

Love is not meant to come with strings attached, it is meant to be unconditional.  And when Love is done right, it is beautiful, it is bold, and it is downright terrifying because you are willingly being vulnerable.  But goodness, when Love is done right, with no strings attached, it is one of the most amazing acts humans are capable of upon earth.

With Love,

S.

Letters.

Everyone struggles with figuring out how to sift through every day struggles. And I mean everyone, so here is my way to combat those thoughts of negativity and worthlessness, and to come alongside you in a way that shows you are not alone.  I am going to write you letters. Letters of encouragement, letters of what I believe to be true, and letters very precisely bringing the pain and hurt of today's world to the forefront, and addressing it.  The art of letter writing is one that is being put on the back-burners for people do not see its worth, yet I believe letters are powerful forms of communication and affirmation. Affirmation that you are not alone. That you are beautiful and precious (handsome if you're a fella reading this). And that you are unique and of worth.  With that, I am going to write you your first letter.

Letter #1

Dear You,

I am going to be honest with you.  I don't feel worthy sometimes. I don't feel perfect. I actually feel quite broken, and I firmly believe that I am not alone in that sentiment.  I have heard girls say they need to fix themselves or change themselves for something or someone. But here is what I am going to tell you - beautiful, incredible you.  You do NOT have to fix or change yourself for anyone or anything.  Let me reiterate that because it is definitely not something you hear every day. 

You do not, nor will you ever have to change yourself for anyone.  Never believe that you must be fixed in order to obtain some type of socially set ideal. 

God created you. Not only did he create You, he called you Tov, meaning that you are good, beautiful, and working the way you are supposed to.  He does not call you unworthy, or imperfect, or point out flaws in your appearance as society is all too quick to do today; but rather he considers you perfect in his eyes.  He designed you, with his own hands. He tells you that you are enough for him. You don't have to change, you don't have to feel inadequate just because the socially ideal body shape for a woman is one that is only possible for roughly 8% of women today. 

You are precious.

So please don't think that you are a toy in need of fixing merely because society is stupid in setting its ideals for women (and men). You are a woman, an innately beautiful being. Embrace your quirks and imperfections for they are what makes your beauty unique. They are what sets you apart from every other who tries to homogenize themselves with a silly ideal.  So go out and boldly show off those quirks which make you unique. For they are what makes you, you. And one day, someone will fall in love with you, quirks and all, and will thank God that you didn't "fix" yourself. For merely being yourself, your true self, is one of the simplest, boldest, most beautiful things a girl can do in today's society. 

With Love

S.

Becoming Bolder

I am a recovering perfectionist. Chasing perfection has always been a bit of an addiction for me. Not because I desired praise from others, but because of the rush that came from exceeding my own expectations and knowing that there was no room for being better. I reveled at the lush image in my head of a life where everything was perfectly colored in the lines. The problem was my life was never meant to be contained in lines. No one’s is. 

In high school, my perfectionist ambitions were destroyed one by one, like pulling out a Jenga block from the original structure. Life came crashing down more times than I can count, but each time, I built up my blocks again. Each block of the perfect tower represented something different- a test score, a friendship, a grade, a solo tryout... all little things that I depended on too much for my stability. As time went on, I became more strategic on deciding what was most important to my ability to stand strong. 

When it came down to it, these were my top priorities, my bottom foundation Jenga blocks:

-The recognition that I was doing the absolute best I could.

-Personal happiness above trying to please everyone.

-Having positive people in my life that filled me with joy and inspiration.

Lucky for me, the last tenant was one that was rather unfailing. I had the best friends ever. We were described as “a force to be reckoned with”. They were a huge reason as to why I loved high school so much; they made up for every little “tragedy” I experienced. Our senior year was bittersweet, as we were standing on the border of “real life”, with one foot in the land of “I don’t want this to end!” and the other in “I’m ready for the new!”. We knew what we had was rare and that each day together meant we were closer to being apart. I was nervous. These were my people. They drove me insane but kept me sane. As much as I was someone who needed alone time, I also needed my safety net. I feared that my luck had run out and there was no way I would ever have something so special. Graduation came, the summer flew by, and we were all packing up and about to pave out own separate paths. Everything was about to change, on so many levels. I wished, hoped, and prayed that the current bond between my friends and I wouldn’t change, but that I could find something like it in my next chapter.

I don’t think anyone can really be prepared for college. You go in blind, completely unsure about every little thing, vulnerable as ever, but with each day and with each experience, you gain some clarity and one day, it’s crystal clear- you are truly becoming who you are meant to be. The first few months, I was adjusting, but still trying to find out exactly where I clicked. It wasn’t too difficult though, as I hit the lottery. By some stroke of fate, I got placed on a small, all girls floor. Each and every girl had such a sweet, welcoming soul. Our immediate connection was something electric, something more powerful than I had ever felt before. We were all different, yet similar. Our bond was pure and wholesome and natural. We could spend hours together but it would only feel like minutes- it’s like we have known each other forever, not only a matter of months. These girls were the people I needed in my life so desperately, but I didn’t even know it until I had them. There was something different about this friendship than what I had experienced in high school, something different that I needed. That I wanted. They were my missing link, the extra Jenga block that increased my foundation: unconditional love and acceptance.

My tower can come crumbling down at any second, but they will always be there, standing firm. 

I believe in sisterhood. I believe in remembering the little details and being vulnerable and being so happy your heart feels like it might explode. I believe that we need each other, to teach other, to love each other. I believe in celebrating successes together and lifting each other up. I believe in bubbling with excitement to the point in which everyone is talking at once, and listening to each other all the same.  I believe in crying as therapy, followed by mass amounts of laughter. I believe in three hour brunches and midnight cupcakes. I believe in dancing it out, no matter how stupid you look. I believe in the future and hopes and dreams and reality. I believe in blessings and miracles and star-crossed friendship.

We are growing. We are transforming the world around us with our knowledge, passion, and drive. We share our joys and sorrows. We are strong. We are not alone in facing our fears, we are no longer hesitant. We are becoming bolder. Together. 

xo
Hannah

Meet Melissa.

Hello there! My name is Melissa, and at the beginning of this year I met the incredible girls with whom I share this blog. I have never been a part of a group of girls that meshed this well, and I am so excited to see where this blog (and, you know, our lives) end up!

I am a freshman at CU Boulder majoring in International Affairs and considering pursuing a double major or minor in a variety of subjects at the moment. A Florida native but a Colorado girl, I love being outside and exploring new places and going on adventures. The best view is the one from a horse’s back, and I have been lucky enough to spend a disproportionate amount of my life riding and being inspired by horses. I have a love of words and knowledge, and spend as much of my free time reading as I can (“haha free time” my homework snickered as I write this). I like to dabble, wonder, wander, think, and talk with the people I love most. I firmly believe that laughter is the best medicine, and I have to organize my M&Ms by color before I eat them. I love hearing about different parts of the world and how other people live. I want to spend my life traveling, broadening my own horizons, and pushing myself to limits I didn’t even know I had. 

I couldn't be more excited to spend the next few years in Boulder with these amazing girls, and I can’t wait to see what this blog becomes!

Melissa.

Meet Hannah.

Hey there, I’m Hannah! Resident “mother”, future doctor, drama queen of words, fun loving redhead always looking for a good dance party to crash with my ridiculous moves.

I am studying Integrative Physiology and plan on going to medical school to become a maternal-fetal medicine specialist. I am completely enamored with the human body and its incredible abilities, but even more so, I love helping people. So if you have any health questions, just ask me- I can probably diagnose you based on all the medical journals I’ve read and the surgeries I’ve watched on YouTube. (Completely kidding)

Lover of stripes, coffee, Christmas, tennis, traveling, my dachshund Bella and black cat Jack, summer nights, red rainboots, and J.Crew. You can also find me over here, blogging my love letter to life. 

I am so excited to be blogging with my best friends! They are as precious as gold and I look forward to preserving our thoughts, stories, life lessons, and memories together. Hopefully you’ll love us as much as I love us! ;) 

xo

Hannah

Meet Courtney.

Hi! My name is Courtney, and welcome to our blog! I’m 19 years old and currently studying English at the University of Colorado Boulder, in hopes of one day pursuing a career in editing and publishing. Until then, I’m loving every second I get to spend at this beautiful school with my beautiful friends! When I’m not in class I spend my free time running trails down by Boulder creek, hiking in the mountains, and visiting my family (and my adorable golden retriever, Elle Mae!) in good ol' Greeley, Colorado . I love a good adventure—whether I’m experiencing it firsthand or reading about it in one of my favorite books. My other obsessions include eating copious amounts of dark chocolate, all things related to Harry Potter, coffee, coffee, and more coffee, and my sophisticated and very originally named Manx cat, Mr. Kitty.  

I can’t wait to share snapshots and stories from our lives with all of you! I’m so lucky to have met such wonderful and unique individuals here in Boulder—and I’m even luckier to be able to call them my closest friends! 

Courtney 

Meet Mackenzie.

Welcome to our little corner of the internet that we like to call “Becoming Boulder”.  My name’s Mackenzie and I am so excited to be starting a joint blog with some of my best friends that I was so lucky to meet here at CU.

I’m currently majoring in Political Science and plan to go to law school after finishing my undergraduate.  I was born in Maryland and moved to Colorado when I was six.  I got the “Politics Bug” from my dad and was lucky enough to grow up in a house where watching Election Day footage was as exciting as the Super Bowl, and going to the White House Easter Egg Hunt as a child was completely taken for granted; I memorized the preamble of the Constitution in 4th grade for fun, and went to political campaign rallies before I knew what the difference between a Democrat and a Republican was - and I have loved every second of it.  Washington D.C. is probably my favorite city in the world and I can’t wait to work on Capitol Hill after I graduate, but Colorado will always be my home.

I love to travel, read, spend time with good friends, ski, explore the beautiful town of Boulder, play tennis and much more, and I’m so excited to share it all with you.  To learn more about me visit my personal blog over here.

~Mackenzie~

Meet Stephanie.

Hello friends. My name is Stephanie, and I joined in on this crazy adventure with six of my best friends to create a blog that will explore our thoughts, emotions, and the craziness that is living in Boulder (especially the weather).  I was born and  raised in Rhode Island, the smallest state in the U.S, and yes it truly does only take an hour to drive from one end to the other. I currently attend the University of Colorado Boulder and am pursuing a double major in Marketing and Studio Art.

I have a love for people and their hearts, and wish each and every person could realize their worth. I have an unhealthy obsession with books, and will sit and read for hours on end if given the opportunity.  I love capturing the beauty of life through my camera, and intend to pursue Photography later on.  I am a movie fanatic, spider-hating, ice-cream loving silly person. I love life and I love the people I share it with, which I hope shines through more than anything else in this blog.

S.

Meet Emma.

Hi! My name is Emma. I, along with these lovely ladies who write for Becoming Boulder, attend the University of Colorado at Boulder. I am a freshman, studying International Affairs with a minor in Business. I hope to go to graduate school and obtain a Masters in Business Administration, and then work as a business consultant for international businesses. I love travelling, and I want to incorporate it in my future.

Fun fact about me? Both of my parents served in the United States Air Force. I am a military brat born and raised. I moved eleven times in the first sixteen years of my life, and I had the absolutely amazing opportunity to spend about a third of my life living abroad in Europe.

I am addicted to coffee, and I simply LOVE chocolate (especially the kind that comes from the great Kingdom of Belgium). Oh, and je parle français!

À bientôt,
Emma

Our Origins

Welcome to the page of seven girls translating our hearts into words. The idea for this blog was sparked doing some late night cupcake baking, and we hope that you think it is as sweet as we do. As freshmen at the University of Colorado Boulder, we wanted a way to document our experiences here, from the laughs to the deep conversations to the lessons learned. We want to allow a few more in on this crazy, exciting journey with us too!
    The seven of us met at the beginning of the year and were instantly friends. 6 of us currently live feet away from each other. While our seventh doesn’t, she might as well. We are friends, but we are also sisters. We’ve cried together at 2 AM and also celebrated like none other. We are each unique and love that in each other. Hopefully seven different perspectives will shine through on this blog and hopefully you get to know us too! Look forward to good reads, photos, and maybe even some videos. Feel free to comment on things that you like, want to see more of, or questions you have! Happy reading, and GO BUFFS!