The word Love.
It is a word that is slightly more than overused in today's society. But what has really been bothering me lately, is trying to define what Love really is. Why does it exist? How have we let the perception of romance and love become so skewed in modern day society? I was talking with a friend of mine and she brought up how, particularly with college girls, the idea of romance is incredibly perverted. We have this idea that love comes with strings attached. That in order for someone to love us, we must do something for them, that we somehow owe them something. In all honesty, it's probably why the idea of "no strings attached" came to be. People wanted the physical gratification without the emotional hangups, or the feelings that they somehow were indebted to the other person if he/she loved him/her. Even more than that, this idea of love coming with "strings attached" pervades all types of relationships. Now I know this isn't true, but for awhile in high school I thought my parents love was dependent upon how well I performed in school. And this is entirely absurd. I have been blessed to be raised in a family that truly does unconditionally love me, even when I'm in a mood or being nasty. Yet this thought was like a parasite in my head, that "the string" attaching me to my parents love, would be severed if I got a C. I was so worked up about this one day, when I got a C+ in chemistry that I actually started crying. I was afraid they wouldn't love me due to my lacking performance, as opposed to loving me for just being their daughter.
These strings attached often times come with friendships, too. I don't mean the friendships where you have been inseparable, or have relentlessly loved one another despite your hard-core screw-ups. I mean the friendships that are just beginning to "bloom," for lack of a better term. In these types of friendships, they feel so fragile to us, that almost by default we attach strings to the love we put upon them. If they don't make enough time with us, our love in that friendship is terminated as a result of hurt. We don't give thought to why they may not have had time, or what circumstances that outcome was contingent upon, we just remove ourselves. We put up walls, for we don't want to be hurt. We don't want to be vulnerable.
The last and probably the most important relationship where these types of chords are far too often attached and stuck with super glue, is the boyfriend/girlfriend one. This one is also the most difficult. We have this balance between wanting to be hopelessly in love with our significant other but not wanting to be overbearing with the love we have. This puts girls in particular, in a really sticky situation. Because we want to keep this balance we are more inclined to comply with wishes we would otherwise say "heck no" to. In a previous relationship this developed into me always agreeing it was my fault, that we were fighting because I had done something wrong. The idea running through my head was that if I was completely complaisant, there would be no way he could stop loving me. I continued to admit that it was my fault though because I was so fearful of losing the only one who I thought could ever love me. There were even more strings attached in that relationship. Thoughts constantly ran through my head of "if I do this, will he still love me?" Will he still think I look pretty? The even worse thoughts were "if I don't do this for him, will he still love me?" By the end, when we did break up, I had absolutely no self-esteem. The strings that we had created became not only lifelines for our love, but also what I thought about myself.
With all this being said, I don't believe in strings being attached in relationships. At all. I believe this is the skewed image that is associated with love today.
Instead I believe Love should be a completely selfless gesture. I want the people I love to see, that it doesn't require any effort on their part for me to love them. They don't have to do anything to earn my love, it simply is. It is their love to accept through the good, bad, and ugly. It doesn't have conditions. It doesn't have strings. To give an example of the best illustration of love I have in words, actually comes from the Bible. In 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 it writes "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps not records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." Now I do not mean to pull a Bible verse on you to shove religion down your throat. The only reason I picked a Bible verse is because to me, it is truly one of the most accurate representation of what love should be.
Love is not meant to come with strings attached, it is meant to be unconditional. And when Love is done right, it is beautiful, it is bold, and it is downright terrifying because you are willingly being vulnerable. But goodness, when Love is done right, with no strings attached, it is one of the most amazing acts humans are capable of upon earth.
With Love,
S.
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